Roving Reports: Technical Issues, Please Stand By…

Spring has well and truly sprung in May, writes David Massey. The winter jumper has (almost) been packed away, the shorts are back on and will be until September now, and the cereal has been changed. By this I mean, for eight months of the year my chosen breakfast is Weetabix with hot milk on. A malty delight, I'm sure you'll agree. But from May to August it's the summer cereals - take your pick from bog-standard corn flakes through wholewheat hoops to Special K with red berries in. Fairly sure the last named counts as one of my five a day, along with the two segments of Terry's Chocolate Orange I allow myself with a yoghurt each evening. Orange is the key word here, ignore the other bits. 

I have been to three of our most picturesque courses in the past few weeks. Newmarket for the Guineas meeting, followed by two days of Chester and, last week, three days of York. Newmarket and Chester also have something else in common, namely I have more wi-fi and connection issues there than anywhere else in the country, and that includes Fakenham, despite the Norfolk venue being in the middle of nowhere. 

Anyway, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Newmarket saw myself and the wife head down for two days of quality Flat action, although not before I'd been at Cheltenham for the Hunters evening. "You just can't leave it alone, can you?" said Vicki to me on 2000 Guineas Day as she caught me looking at Worcester's Monday card at the time. She's right, it's an addiction. "Hello, my name is David, and I'd like to start by saying I can't stop looking at poor quality jumps cards between May and September." Sympathetic nods from the rest of the room. 

Vicki very much drives the Trackside bus during the Flat season and I take a back(ish) seat, although I'm more than happy to stick my oar in when it comes to the all-aged handicaps, as that's where I'm happiest. So the Saturday, for all we've a Group 1 on the card, backed up by some other class contests, is very much a game of two halves, Brian, with Vicki taking the first five and me the last four, as the World Pool want nine races today and by Jove they're going to have them. However, with the last four all being handicaps and Vicki doing other work on the day, I'm going to help out and cover as much as possible late on. But, those wi-fi issues. It means finding a sweet spot in the paddock and not moving, or I lose connection completely. Some repeaters around the paddock - as Cheltenham have done - might be nice. So not only am I struggling to relay information, it also means I can't get the live pictures from Uttoxeter. (There's no helping me. Save yourselves.)

The wife is having the same issues and is struggling to place a bet, so I'm pleased it isn't only me, in that respect. Newmarket's free wifi has all the signal strength of two tin cans and a bit of string, so that's of no help. I decide we're going into Newmarket tomorrow and I'm buying a dongle to solve our tech problems. 

Our Airbnb for the night is in Cambridge, and it's a strange one. Normally you take a room in someone's house for the night and to an extent that was true here, but there were about a dozen rooms and seemingly someone living in most of them. The room and place itself were almost new, to the point where the stickers hadn't been taken off the appliances (it's fine, I know how to use a bath, thanks for the help) but it's the first time I've ever known twelve flats within one house. Only issue was the bed was in a corner, so whoever slept next to the wall is pinned in for the night. Unlucky if you need the loo at three in the morning...

We head back to Newmarket for a fancy breakfast in the Tack Room, which is attached to the Racing Museum in town. If you've never been, I recommend it; a touch pricey and you're paying for a bit of theatre (you can gaze lovingly at the statue of Frankel as you wolf your locally-sourced sausages down) but the food and service are always top-notch. Bellies full, we head into town and the EE shop for my dongle. Turns out it's closed on Sundays, which means another day of intermittent signal issues. Oh well. At the moment that's less of a concern than the freezing cold weather. The wind has really got up and you'd not think it was spring. It was warmer than this at Cheltenham on Friday night. The winter jumper makes an unwelcome, if brief, reappearance as the day passes by without much incident, the signal barely holding up again. 

Chester is my next port of call. It's a lovely town, with beautiful Roman architecture, an incredible open-air theatre and, of course, those Grade 1-listed walls. What Chester isn't designed for is traffic, and God help you if you miss your turning in town, it'll add half an hour to your journey as you try and get back to where you were. But I finally arrive at the course with time to spare. I'm here for the first two days of the May meeting, and the sun is finally out. 

Much like Newmarket, Chester is a lovely track to visit as a punter, a more sociable day out you'll struggle to have; although the queues for the ChesterBet pitches tell me this isn't a crowd here for a serious wager. On one of the hottest days of the year so far, lunch is chicken curry. I decide to pass, and go in search of a sandwich. 

I'm not going to bang on about the wifi again, suffice to say Chester, in its own little valley, makes Newmarket seem like 5G Central. There are precisely three places I can stand and get a signal. Thankfully, standing still is very much a physical activity in my wheelhouse, so I get through the afternoon unscathed. Little Trackside hint here: I thought Aidan's Minnie Hauk, who won the Cheshire Oaks, would come on a ton for that, and she is most definitely top of my list for the Epsom version. 

I've left dining arrangements for the evening to "Scoop" Linfoot from the Sporting Life and he's found us a decent Italian, he says. Not only is he right, it's superb, but we have the best result of the day as we're informed it's the Wednesday Special - two courses and a bottle of wine (each!) for twenty notes. And they say you can't eat value. I disagree, if only for tonight. 

Having dined well, it's back to my digs, and I've lucked in here as well. Really comfy place and the lady that owns it is a photographer, and has loads of old cine equipment around the house. Also, a slight obsession with Monopoly memorabilia. She's also got a clapped-out TR7 on the drive she appears to be doing up. So, slightly mad, but in a lovely way, and I'll return here again. In fact, if it was twenty minutes nearer Aintree...

Finally, to York last week. Three days of top-class action and it does not disappoint. York was the first time Vicki and I have shared accommodation and the fact we're still speaking to each other tells you all went well. That, despite me forcing her watch the Eurovision semi-final on the Thursday night, which I think she secretly enjoyed (was all in the name of research, I'd volunteered to do the Eurovision preview for the Life and yes, I did put the winner up, thanks for asking). 

It was also great to bump into some old friends I hadn't seen in a while, and have a catch up on the Champagne Lawn. Not that I was, obviously, with work to do and a clear head needed. The strongest thing I had on the week was a Coke Zero, as I'm trying to be good and cut a little sugar out recently. However, that all went out the window when, on the Thursday night, Vicki discovered The Sweet Lab, a place where all your magical sugary dreams come true. My heart-attack-inducing Galaxy Brownie, slathered in whipped cream, contained about a million calories and ruined all the good work of the day, but hey, it tasted amazing. When are we back here for the Ebor? 😉 

- DM

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